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  1. Today
  2. fuck, dammit, why is everyone so heacking sad!? I guess my thoughts are (an odd mix of two) laziness and anxiety because of that laziness. I dont really thing about future me when I want to have fun or please myself but sometimes (oddly, it is usually when i am soaking wet like showering or in the rain) I just cant stop thinking about my future and how I will not be like my older friends that are about to graduate college. I will not be able to live up to my parent's standards for me or for themselves. I will not to be able to provide for my kids like they do to me. They spoil me and I love it but I also fucking hate it too. It is one of my main causes for anxiety and laziness. I dont have more than "2" friends that I see out of school, I dont have a girlfriend because I and not very smart except in one subject, I am not athletic besides from biking a lot (i dont play any sports), I am fat and do not look good either. Also I am very bad with talking to people and have to rely on dark humor to get laughs and attention. I am also a very emotional person. I am strong for medium term but once all the stress and anxiety build up, I collapse. Every school year, I break down for 3-4 week straight and I Christmas tree all my tests/quizzes, I do not talk to people at all, I bathe every couple days, I dont do any work (including homework), and I go to bed at 3 pm (when I get home from school) and wake up at 7:10 am (when i have to wake up to be at school in time), and my grades drop. I usually go weeks without eating in this state and last year in the 4th quarter of school, I lost 43 pounds and looked like a rail, I lost 65% of the muscle that I worked for since 11 years old at LA fitness every 2 days (this measurement was made by the head of sports medicine at my school when they required me to go) and just gained fat after the break down. I also would not speak a word to the therapists when this is all happening too. I fear that my dad doesnt have much time to live because he has had many heart problems like heart attacks and has had to have a quadruple bypass and he is also 73 years old (im adopted). Starting my 6th week of junior week, I have already had a mini breakdown of 3 days in length and am afraid that they will be happening a lot more frequently because of the stress. I will stop here becasue not many people will go through this whole thing because it is pointless and most people arent interested in my rambling and complaining. thanks though
  3. Yesterday
  4. MSWS

    Yikes

    f Thanks for being a great admin. Enjoy your anime.
  5. Connor

    Yikes

    I know you hate me, but i hope you have a good life man. You've been a nice dude to chill with.
  6. Pepe

    Yikes

    Im retired. I now have a lot more time for anime. Thats all.
  7. From what I’ve seen, you’re only toxic when you’re mad, which I can hardly blame. As long as everyone’s having fun you should feel free to talk. Make sure you’re having fun too.
  8. As yall know, I am a very toxic person. lately I have tried to be less toxic because toxic players make other players toxic and I feel like I am a source of a lot of toxicity on the ttt server. I have reduced this by not using my mic and being more friendly in chat. Now I have time to think about what I am going to say and make sure it is worth typing out. I have also stopped talking as much in discord too. One more thing is that i used to be super stingy when it came to people rdming me or breaking rules and I am a lot more lenient now. If I get rdmed, all I want out of the player is acknowledgement and not slays (because I dont really get satisfaction from slays). Otherwise, I will ask for minimal punishment or let the admins decide. Welp, that is my take on being less toxic and making the community a cleaner and more fun place.
  9. just have internet, it is that easy.
  10. i wanted to say you should put a prop hunt server with all kinds of mapls
  11. In-Game Name: Gator Steam ID64 76561198128492595 Age: 13 Discord Username?: Gator#9286 Why do you want to join DEFY?: I have played here a while and thought i should apply How did you find our clan? Community Server Browser What do you think we can improve on? Removing more toxic players What are your first impressions of DEFYclan? It is a great community Who invited you to DEFY?: No one Would you like to change your username or keep it? Keep my username New Username Have you read our server rules & community standards? Yes
  12. I'd say generally pixel art games, but I grew up with a lot of those kind of games. There's actually quite a few I'm excited for in 2019/2020 too, N1RV Ann-A, Eastward and Orangeblood to name a couple.
  13. hbd big gui

    1. num3rical

      num3rical

      It's not my birthday yet you mong

  14. I would like to inform you that you have been accepted into DEFY as a Junior Member. You may add "Defy | " to the beginning of your name by clicking here. If you have not yet introduced yourself click here! Don't be shy, we won't bite If you have not joined our discord server yet! https://discord.gg/N22t8Mn Once you have the Verified Role on discord you can type !joincsgo to gain access to the CS:GO exclusive channels. You can also type !joingmod or !joinrb6 if you have those games as well.
  15. I have have lots of moments on the server and you made them the best I would like to thank you for all the times I had for being on the server. Goodnight Felix.
  16. I've made a lot of good memories with you Felix, im gonna miss you. You will always be the goodest boy
  17. honestly I don't know what im sick with, my coughs sound like a demon screeching and my throat hurt likes hell.
  18. Last week
  19. Just move somewhere else 4Head
  20. Welp, week 3 still no internet. I promise I'm not dead it's just kinda hard to play when the internet company denies that my house exists 1 like equals 1 prayer for my internet
  21. We start a period earlier than upperclassmen
  22. I've used skinhub before and gotten a whole lot more than I have in csgo cases, skinhub might be a scam but so are regular cases so
  23. Ur a freshman in HS why are you waking up at 5:30
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